Losing a child is one of the most devastating experiences a parent can go through, and it is crucial to approach such a delicate situation with compassion and sensitivity. Here are some things you should avoid saying to a mother who has lost a child, along with explanations of why they can be harmful:

“I know how you feel.”

This statement, unless you have also lost a child, can feel dismissive of the mother’s unique pain. Every loss is deeply personal, and implying you understand her grief can minimize her experience.

At least you have other children.”

While well-intentioned, this remark can come across as dismissing the child who has passed away. Each child is unique and irreplaceable, and the presence of other children does not lessen the pain of losing one.

“Everything happens for a reason.”

This can be particularly hurtful because it suggests that the child’s death was somehow necessary or part of a larger plan, which can be very difficult for a grieving mother to accept or find comfort in.

“He/she is in a better place now.”

Regardless of personal beliefs, this statement can feel invalidating. A grieving mother may feel that the best place for her child is with her, and implying otherwise can add to her pain.

“You need to be strong for your family.”

Grief is an overwhelming emotion, and telling a mother to be strong can suggest that expressing her grief is a weakness. She needs to process her emotions without feeling pressured to hold them in for the sake of others.

“It’s time to move on.”

Grief does not have a timeline, and suggesting that a mother should move on can be incredibly insensitive. It can take a long time for someone to find a new normal after such a loss, and they should be allowed to grieve at their own pace.

“At least he/she isn’t suffering anymore.”

While this might be intended to offer comfort, it can inadvertently highlight the fact that the child is gone. It’s better to acknowledge the pain rather than try to justify it.

“You’re young, you can have more children.”

This reduces the lost child to something replaceable, which can be deeply hurtful. The mother’s grief is for the unique individual who has passed away, not for the role of “child” in general.

“It was God’s will.”

This can be deeply upsetting, especially if the mother is struggling with her faith in light of the loss. Even for those with strong religious beliefs, this statement can feel like an oversimplification of their pain.

“At least you had some time with him/her.”

Though meant to find a silver lining, it can remind the mother of all the future moments she will miss. It is important to focus on the mother’s feelings rather than trying to reframe the loss.

Instead of these statements, offering a simple acknowledgment of the loss, such as, “I am so sorry for your loss,” and being there to listen can provide much more comfort. Letting the mother express her grief and supporting her through her emotions without trying to fix them or offer explanations can be the most compassionate approach.