Should you keep secrets in marriage?
“Is it right for one to keep secrets in a marriage?” one person asked. Another wondered if having me-time is plausible when two have become one. “What is there to ponder about all by yourself when there is supposed to be nothing hidden from the other?” they asked.
Tiara Mangeni believes that keeping secrets is not a good idea. “Besides, something is only a secret when you have not shared it with anyone. However, when you do, even the person you are hiding it from will get to know and when they do, this will be the start of mistrust in the marriage,” she says.
Kevin Munyani says the beauty of hiding secrets in marriage is that as secrets keep piling up, the marriage will also become a secret.
When it is hard to trust
On the other hand, Esther Berry Lule says with the current break-up and divorce rate, keeping secrets is okay because it is hard to trust anyone. “We live in an era where trust is taken for granted and people get into marriage for different reasons. Very few couples are on the same page. I would honestly keep a secret from my husband to save myself from disappointments,” she says.
Milly Mia says it depends on the modus operendi of one’s relationship. “If you are free with each other, then there will be no secrets. However, if you are not, then secrets will surely emerge. It also comes with knowing how your spouse will react to certain news as some are very short tempered that telling them something will make you regret it for the rest of your life.”
Joan Nassimbwa wonders how she can entertain secrets when truly married. “A heavy conscious will certainly weigh me down and gradually negatively impact my marriage. That is not forgetting the guilt and constant fear of my spouse finding out,” she says.
Loy Dianah Kiwumulo believes that while privacy in marriage is fine, secrecy is not, despite the several reasons one may present.
Tracy Eve says she has every reason to keep a secret in marriage, and so does he. “It just depends on the type of secret.”
Alexander Mercy agrees with secrets in marriage because she believes her spouse may also have their own. “Trust among couples has become so rare and while it is hard to build, it is easily torn. Besides, everyone has their reason for being in a relationship, so it is better keep some things to myself to avoid disappointments.”
Marylyn Kamulegeya Katusiime decries secrets in marriage saying it comes off as pretence and dishonesty. “How can you be intimate with someone yet there is something they should know but you have not disclosed it? It is good to open up because that is a firm basis for any relationship.”
Angel Katusiime Mayanja, a marriage counsellor, says it is important to let your partner know most, if not all of your secrets in order for them to accept who you are, the way you are.
“Keeping secrets will kill the trust that one has in you when they find out the truth later. Besides, the truth is necessary because it helps your partner to know the things that made you quit the other relationship so that they do not allow history to repeat itself,” she says.
“If you are not comfortable talking about your secret, it is always better to keep it to yourself until your partner is ready to listen and perhaps provide a solution. A partner who loves you will stand by you no matter what.”