Beautifying your marriage
Oftentimes, people fret about getting married believing that it is a tough institution and that they are better off staying single. On the contrary, marriage is beautiful but like any other relationship, such as a friendship, it requires some work. Heard of the statement, “it takes two to tango”? Yes, marriage requires that both parties are intentional about making it work. Domita Among, a relationship counsellor shares tips on how couples can better their marriages:
Support each other
Support your partner’s goals and aspirations. Be their cheerleader and encourage them to achieve their dreams. “Unfortunately, some spouses hide what they hope to do from their partners for various reasons. For some, they hope that they will present a fully baked package, others are weary of their wife asking for more money should she find out that there is another source of income, and so much more. However, this shows that there is lack of openness in the marriage, which is a red flag. On the other hand, some partners are so callous as to demean their spouse’s effort, more so if the venture one hopes to do is below their supposed standard, for example opening a rolex stand. However, for a happy marriage, support and openness is crucial,” she says.
Learn to forgive and let go of grudges. Holding onto resentment can be toxic to your relationship. “Being unforgiving is synonymous with allowing your cup to become filled with rubbish. At the end of the day, all the good in us starts rotting away and all we can offer is the rot that fills us. Marriage is between two people that are, unfortunately prone to error. So, the earlier you learn to forgive, the better you marriage will get,” she says.
Listen actively to your partner. Try to understand their perspective and feelings without judgment. “It is a futile exercise to remain truly married if we are not paying attention to communicating with our spouses. True marital communication is not the sharing of information but of hearts. It is however interesting that we stubbornly refuse to talk with each other yet we know that it is necessary for the health and sanity of our marriages and us. Some cut off communication because of bitterness with the person but that is being in complete disobedience to God refuse to be the peacemaker/seek reconciliation,” she says.
We painfully hold out hopelessly that our spouses will get the memo and reach out. Sadly, they refuse or fail to understand it, which angers and hurts us. How can our spouses be so insensitive/blind to our pain and hurt? Nonetheless, in marriage, this is not the key question. The more relevant question is, “How can we heal if we are not listening to each other’s hearts?” If you want to heal, you must start listening to each other’s hearts. It is time for heart-to-heart conversations.
Have fun together
Have fun and enjoy each other’s company. Laughter is a great way to relieve stress and strengthen your bond. “Some wonder if that is possible after their spouse offended them. However, when you learn to communicate your pain as well as forgive, it becomes easier to have fun with your spouse. Remember, you must be intentional about making your marriage work,” Among says.
May this month bring new insights, deeper connections and stronger bonds with your partner. Additionally, remember to prioritize self-care and open communication, as they are essential to maintaining healthy and fulfilling relationships.