Is dating a separated man a bed of roses?

The need to have a soulmate is one that cannot be swept under the rug. However, not that all men are ideal for you. For instance, a separated man may be a pot of chaos that you may not want to add to the fact that you need to settle down yet it seems to be taking long.

Here is why Elizabeth Kaitesi, a counsellor, believes dating a separated man has its hitches:

He is still legally married to his wife: Being separated means that partners have given each other a break to think through their relationship. As such, there is nothing to show that a marriage is annulled.

“There is a 90 percent possibility that this man will go back to his wife once the issues at hand are resolved. The fact that it is simply a separation means that your arrival makes you an intruder even when you get a child with him. So, the promise of stability is not there at all, which should make you take a step back from committing to such a relationship,” she says.

You are a rebound: When Ivan and Peace had issues, Ivan felt that he could not do life with Peace anymore, hence moving out of their family home. Renting a one roomed life, he started living life as he desired and before long, loneliness sent him to dating a younger girl and soon they had a child. However, Ivan’s father, who had categorically advised him against moving out of their family home in preference of reconciliation, got Ivan to listen and soon, he and his wife were back together as if nothing happened.

Kaitesi says a relationship with a separated man is simply availing yourself to help him with things his wife cannot do at that moment.

“It could be to give him company, take care of the children, or even fulfil his sexual desires. Your stay is therefore as temporal as his separation with his wife. Once reconciliation with his wife happens, which will most certainly happen, your use will expire. You cannot settle for second best which is what it is when you date a separated man,” she says.

Change of heart: Being with him as he tries to, maybe start the divorce process, is no guarantee that he will pick you over his wife, or stay with you anyway. “There is always that thing that keeps men to their family and should there be a change of mind as to go back to his wife, you would have wasted your time,” she says.

Past ‘demons’: Dating a separated man is like having a relationship with a ghost because nothing is guaranteed. It is a phase with several emotions to deal with and blocks to move as he adjusts to this new life. “You have to deal with the past ‘demons’ such as the nagging from his wife, or her strictness, whatever it might be. That is because he has not healed and you become a sponge to soak in all his frustrations and with that, he will not be wholly available for you. That is a lot of package to deal with, yet there is no assurance that he will ultimately be yours,” she says.

A separated man is one that generally has a lot of baggage to deal with. That is not to say that other men do not, however, why fall in a pan that you could have passed on for another?

Relationships are amazing when done with a person that is in a definite awareness of where they are going. A separated man is still at the intersection and trying to see which road to take next. Is that what you want to invest your time in?


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