It is not that rosy: What I learnt from being a professional “side chick”
Now that Camilla is giving hope to all the side chicks everywhere, let me tell you how I got sucked into being a professional “side chick”. You may be wondering whether there is such a thing as such as a professional side chick. Yes, mine wasn’t just an emotional relationship.
I met a handsome man who was very elegant, brilliant and a class apart when it comes to finances and providing care. At the time, I had just lost my job, was financially drained and my siblings were returning to school. Being a first-born child, I am expected to assist in all ways possible because my parents believe it is the right thing to do. The right word for my story is ‘’vulnerable’’. I needed a rescue team and this handsome married man, a father of five wonderful children was the only candidate.
Why I call this professional was because, this man briefed me on the requirements of this ‘’thing’’ we were starting and part of the conditions were never criticising, complaining or going against his suggestions. He believed I should be his calm after the storm and be his vacation when things are not going right with the official wife.
This was the greatest thing that had happened to me at the time, life became sweet. I got a car as a birthday present that year and eventually an apartment in one of Kampala’s richest neighbourhoods. My siblings even joined a new school, and honestly, life was really beautiful and fun.
You’re perhaps hoping it ended in tears, not yet. It got even more interesting, my man, who at the time I felt like I owned requested to introduce me to his family, so that I can become his second wife. However, there would be a church wedding because it is not allowed in the Catholic Church. We planned for the “kukyala’’ but my mother sat me down and explained the responsibilities of being a second wife. To me, it seemed satisfactory since I was now in love with this man and my family was doing well because of his initiative. I couldn’t imagine going back to struggling and working as a sales girl for an insurance company.
Towards the event, my “man’’ requested we go for a vacation because he wanted me to get pregnant before the traditional wedding. This part broke me; I asked him if the baby was his main target and he shrugged it off. During the same time, his official wife sent me threatening messages, the following day I was robbed and my house wiped clean. All this drama didn’t scare me until I was poisoned after buying take away from a “kafunda’’ restaurant and I nearly lost my life.
This devastated me and left me really worried and in shock, I knew I had to let this relationship go however rosy it had been. It was extremely hard to convince myself that I could sustain myself and meets the responsibilities as I was supposed to but with the help of a therapist, I made progress.
Here are some of the most important lessons I learned.
- You risk contracting STD’s or any other sexually transmitted diseases.
- A guilty conscience is something that you will live with every day as a side chick.
- Time wastage. You waste a lot of time being in a relationship where there is no future.
- Risk of losing friendships and important relationships like family.
- Stress and depression; you are prone to such because of the many issues that arise.
Although men and women are accepting the concept of being a side piece, every individual has values and virtues and so this is a personal decision. Like everything in life, there are advantages and disadvantages.
By Nasansa V.K, a trained therapist and avocado farmer