Who should make the first move?
There have been discussions about who should make the first move. Is it the woman or the man? For instance, some people argue that it is the man’s responsibility to make the first move, while others say that it should be the woman. The perspective of women making the first move was predominant in the Western world but is fast catching up in Africa as well.
History tells us that a man approaches a woman or her family to share his intentions. This stems from different religions, Greek mythology, and various historical perspectives. This perspective apparently allows the man to prove his worth as a leader, future provider, and husband. It also serves as a way for the woman and her family to know the man’s intentions and assess him as a suitor.
However, the dating and marriage scenes have definitely changed with women taking on the duty of initiating relationships. In recent years, this trend has been paralleled by factors such as economic transformation and the empowerment of women.
While attending a women’s conference recently, one of the speakers openly admitted to initiating marriage talks with her husband. She said, “My husband and I had been seeing each other for close to 3 years and because of my personality, I always want clarity. After that time frame, I asked whether we should get married or go our separate ways. After this conversation, he proposed. Sometimes men need that nudge.”
Before I share perspectives from different individuals, dear reader, what are your thoughts on the topic at hand? Would you be the first to act?
These are the thoughts of different people using alias names:
Cindy says: “If the man is slow, why wouldn’t I? If we both like each other, me asking him out is a sign of progress. Where is it written that a man should initiate a relationship?”
Jamal on the other hand says: ” I am down for whatever if she asks me out no “wahala”, if I initiate the relationship, it is also okay. I definitely won’t like her less. I will appreciate and respect her go-getter spirit.”
Tyra says: “The Bible says, he who finds a wife obtains favour from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22. It stands against my principles and beliefs to go after a man. I would rather let the relationship die.”
Joel says, “If she initiates a relationship, she should be able to sustain it. I cannot sustain what I didn’t start.”
Others who requested not to be quoted stated that women shouldn’t have to take on the burden of initiating relationships. However, others think it is a complex issue and each person has their own perspective.
“Ultimately, it is up to the individual to decide how they want to approach relationships.” Richard shares.
In light of the thoughts shared, what would be comfortable for you?
This decision is largely individual based, as everyone’s needs and preferences are different. Some people may prefer traditional gender roles, while others may prefer a more egalitarian approach where both partners share in the decision-making process. Ultimately, couples must decide what works best for them and find a balance that makes them both feel comfortable.
Another key factor in this is totally understanding your partner and their line of thought. Are they conservative or open-minded? Communication is key to finding this balance.
By Rachael Tino, a passionate communicator and writer