When we started dating, my boyfriend would not mind me using his phone. I knew his password and would sometimes use his phone to watch YouTube videos. After six months of dating and me moving into his house, he started hiding his phone and at times, he would protect his gallery with a password. I started getting suspicious. I started asking what had changed; the temptation to check his phone grew. I suspected he was cheating on me, but I loved where we had gotten and I tried to make sure nothing broke us apart. Until the day he went outside to answer a call. Boom! I planned on how to get in there, I did get in and I got what I was looking for. My boyfriend was having an affair with my cousin. I can’t explain how I felt but I hated him and all men. Dear lovers don’t check

Is it always wrong to go through your partner’s phone? Let us explore why people are tempted to check their partners’ mobile phones.

Curiosity

Remember the saying “curiosity killed the cat”? The need to know, to find, to prove is a bad leader. It will drive you to dangerous places that will harm you and throw you off the edge. A big number of people that have checked their partner’s phone give this as the reason, and it should not be the reason you break trust with your other half. Control your emotions.

Mistrust

When you have doubts, it is easy to get trapped into believing that your answer lies in the texts, conversations inside his/her phone. Every sight of him/her laughing alone or receiving a call emphasises the need to find out what they are giggling about. Even the slightest glimpse of them texting longer, fuels your imagination.

Insecurity

This one stems from self-esteem issues. You’re thinking your partner may need to look out for a taller person, curvier and lighter, among others. Then it grows on you that your partner loves to look at women with better body features. Then you get distracted, you get panicking and you start imagining he is out there hunting. Insecurities grow on you day by day, the more invitations you give, the worse it gets. Mistrust is the main driver of this problem.

What happens after you check the phone or texts?

The truth is the results have never been positive. If you have ever yielded positive ones, good for you!

There is something called privacy and it should be respected. In African culture, parents groom us to know that what doesn’t belong to us should not be used or touched without permission from the owner.

In most cases when this rule is broken, there are consequences and some of the results may include damaging your relationship forever.

Once the other party finds out that you went through their phone, there will probably be a huge quarrel and most times it results in fights or even breakups. Because the other person feels like their curtain has been removed, sometimes they may be guilty other times, it’s you overthinking things.

Is there an exception, when should you check?

The problem with this thought, it is like a disease. It’s manipulative, impulsive and keeps biting until you obey. What you are about to open, may release a burning furnace. Be prepared to deal with whatever comes along.

It is advisable to do this, if the situation has gotten out of hand. Information is power. Often our partners hide the most important things and we probably never find out until the day of their burial.

Other times it may be the truth, from the past that will probably affect your children or harm your health. Your partner could have contracted a deadly disease like HIV/AIDS, and the only way to know to find out is to go through his phone.

Bottom line don’t get into a relationship where checking the other’s phone is the only way to find information. Your partner should value communication and vice versa.

By Sharon Namale

A mother, wife and a lover