Relationships are amazing and they make many lives beautiful. However, in the middle of a good thing is always, unfortunately, the ugly. Otherwise, how would you make the comparison? There are some bad habits that plague relationships and these make marriages fail. Beth Kebirungi, a relationship counsellor shares some of the bad habits to leave in the past:

My way: Aware that a couple is comprised of two grownups, it is also expected that each has a mind of their own. However, marriage changes the dynamics a bit where the Bible says, “The two shall become one.” That comes with several things such as compromise where one lays down their way for the peace of their home or the betterment of another.

Besides, listening to what the other has to say shows that there is respect of opinions, which is important for a healthy relationship. Therefore, this year, work towards not making your way the only way. It is imperative that you see your spouse’s way as an alternative way of doing things and not a ‘wrong way’. You can also meet half way to come up with a hybrid way of doing things where possible.

Sarcasm: The use of irony to mock another or convey contempt is a sign of major cracks in any relationship unless one partner is narcissist. Choosing to believe that none of the partners is, it is important that sarcasm is not part of a relationship.  

“In any relationship, it is important that you communicate your thoughts, hurts or pain kindly and directly to your spouse and allow yourself to be vulnerable. That is better than throwing comments at each other that only irk another without a thought about what they feel,” she says. Sarcasm actually robs any relationship of any joy because one party is never appreciative of what the other does because they are weary of the hidden meaning.

Reactive listening: Being reactive in life is like being a snake ready to strike. Yes, when you are reactive, you do not take time to internalize what your partner is saying or enjoy the bliss of a thoughtful gesture. While that may be birthed on the platform of being hurt a lot by your partner in the past, for some, being reactive is deeply ingrained in their lives, it is a way of living. However, for a better relationship, Kebirungi says, it is better to listen and understand.

“You do not have to agree with your spouse to let them know you have heard them. That is very crucial to remember because if all we want is someone that agrees with us, never challenging us or pointing us in the right direction, then we are poised to remain in one position or possibly just regenerate. Nonetheless, for a sane and beautiful relationship, being ready to listen and appreciate what your spouse is saying allows them appreciate you too,” she says.

The silent treatment: Punishment, control, and manipulation have no place in a healthy marriage. Give the hurt to God first, then follow up with your spouse as necessary. While some may say that this is hypothetical, it is an amazing way to live, remembering that couples do not have to deal with battles by shutting another out.

“Pull your weight by correcting your wrong. However, in situations that are beyond you, take them to God,” she says.

Relationships are meant to be enjoyed but that cannot happen when you allow weeds (bad habits) to take root.