Welcoming a newborn is extremely exciting and at the same time, a scary venture for most parents. While some parents are lucky not to have a share of the colic cries, “night dancing” is not a choice. There is an anonymous science between babies lying awake at night and sleeping all day.

It usually happens between 3-5am. These bubbly humans make every parent go insane brain wise, and it is normal because 50,000 adults in the world have dealt with the same problem and have survived.

However gently the baby is wrapped, if it is time for them to wake up or cry, they won’t hesitate to scream. Your sleep doesn’t matter to them, they want all the attention at that moment and because you signed up to be their father or mother, you consented to be the VIP to the drama.

As a veteran with 5 years’ experience in newborn handling and forwarding, I have put together some of the most recommended ways to survive those unbearable nights.

Do not risk sleeping

The seven hours of sleep recommended by scientists do not apply to parents with newborn babies. You will be convinced the bundle of joy has dosed off and the piercing noise that will come from that little mouth will wake the mosque sheikh on duty. Before you start complaining, think of the dogs that lie awake so that you’re safe. Now be strong, tap yourself on the back and rock that baby.

Mutter things you don’t understand

Tap into the realm of unknown language, look at your newborn and say things to it, to yourself. The baby talk or what some will call gibberish comes in handy; those things you randomly think of in taxis, they apply here too.

Practise the weird dance stroke from the Kung-fu hustle movie

You probably watched the movie with the kids and didn’t get a chance to try the dance. Now it’s you and the baby against the world; take it to the dance floor and sign up a new dancing duo.

Figure out who invented baby shark

Baby shark doodoo…… baby shark is the legendary nursery rhythm of the century, the inventor must be on an island colouring baby sharks and doodling away the new kid banger. This may be the time to figure out why this particular song is on repeat in kindergarten play areas. Probably you will find so much new information, to share with your children and be the Daddy or Mommy of the year.

Think about all the blood you have donated to mosquito nurseries

At such times, everything comes back to memory, that one mosquito that sang endless in your ears, the lame man you laughed at, the snack you ate alone without giving some to the kids. Somehow, the insanity from the sleepless nights gets scary and overwhelming, just keep calm and row your boat.

Try the school prep hack; put your legs in cold water

How did you not think of this in the first place? This is the smartest hack for Ugandan high school going teenagers. Just get a basin of cold water and place your feet as you watch over the little bub. Sleep will somehow escape and you will be able to stay up until the baby falls asleep.

Talk to the old lady in the moon carrying a hoe

Crazy right! The whole world is silent and it’s just you and the baby. This is the time to debunk all those childhood tales, who exactly is in the moon. Could it just be God’s torch or the lady is actually real. Whatever you find, ensure you will have explanations when your children ask why the moon follows them.

Write a ‘’sue baby’’ for not sleeping order

How unfair is it that a small human being who can’t even pronounce their name is keeping you awake? Do you think the judge would be pleased with this case? Honestly, a baby’s court would be a relief to many parents; anyway the opposition side would still be the majority. The little thing is too beautiful not to corrupt your judgement; for now keep sane!

By Nassiwa Fiona, mother and gardener